Driving in to the office this morning I realized something that doesn’t sit well with me… I’m angry lately. I had written a rant that would surely throw at least a portion of the people that read my little blog into convulsions – so I deleted it because the rant isn’t important. The answer to my current anger issue is what’s important.
The problem isn’t with kook groups or even their attempted theft of my freedom, it’s me. First of all, it’s an election year here in the US so all kinds of issues will be brought up to sway the opinion of the population – mostly based on lies, falsehoods and half-truths. The powers that be will create a fervor pitting neighbor against neighbor, for a vote.
It gets deeper than that though. When I get angry, it has only to do with me. To give an example of when I’m in this “space”, on the way in to the office I’ll hear a news story that sets off a cascade of “what’s wrong with all of these kooks”, I’ll go right down the line and before you know it I’m fuming. The question is, why? The answer is simple and difficult to grapple with at the same time: I’m angry because I’m not handling my affairs properly – I’m not keeping my side of the street clean. For that matter, neither am I keeping my office or bedroom, or the spare bedroom…and on top of that, I haven’t been working wisely enough. Sure I put in my hours, but I can use my time a lot more wisely. I get angry because it’s easier to bitch about the world than it is to fix what I’m doing wrong. If my house is in order, I still think such things are stupid, as they are, but I don’t get angry. The answer is that I’m being lazy – and not on the obvious stuff, like fitness, I’m in great shape, my miles are way up and I feel awesome – but if the rest of my world is a mess it’s because I’m not spending the other 22 or 23 hours a day wisely, and therein lies the rub… If I were on my game I wouldn’t be angry about a news story (or my wife, or my customers, or [insert group of people here]).