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Daily Archives: July 16, 2012

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Not So Fast…

I just heard a stat on the news, I’d been wondering how long it would take to go mainstream, that 79% of the jobs created over the last couple if years went to men.

A year or so from now (or possibly sooner) feminist groups will use this information to claim that life is unfairly slanted against women.

Most women will likely buy this and be angry. How unfair America is, they’ll claim.

There’s only one problem – the 2008 recession adversely affected men at an even higher ratio: 80/20. That means, ladies, that 8 men lost their job for every 2 women. What the stats really say is that women are outpacing men in this recovery by a percentage point.  So you’re going to hear a positive stat used negatively – as if women were getting trampled on.

So the ship is righting itself, as they say – and people will use that politically to claim, yet again, that life ain’t fair.

My heart is breaking. Oh woe is me. Yea though I walk through the valley…

Now you know the whole story, not just the half that’s used to make you mad.  You can’t make this stuff up folks.

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Calorie Negative Ice Cream!!!

I’ve invented a way to eat ice cream – at a negative caloric intake. That’s right folks – and this is no BS scheme whereby you chew celery extra long so you can claim that the act of chewing burns more calories than you gain by eating said celery… Oh, no.

This isn’t calorie neutral ice cream either, some fat free, chemically sweetened, taste reduced ice cream. This is the real McCoy. Oreos, whipped cream, with the stinkin’ cherry on top.

What is this miracle, you ask? Well, let’s look at what it isn’t first. It isn’t a magic pill that melts the pounds away but gives you uncontrollable bouts of the squitters in the process. It isn’t a medical procedure whereby accumulated fat is sucked out of your body. It isn’t a shot, a panacea or a false advertising gimmick.

It is very simple:

Ride your bike (or run) to the ice cream shop.

Small Oreo Flurry: 320 calories

5 mile ride to and from the ice cream shop with your spouse, and 40 minutes of uninterrupted conversation that brings about a connection that the two of you have’t had in years: 560 calories burned (1,250+ if you run). It’s not rocket science folks, it’s not magic.

In addition, for those in need of attention, at least one patron will ask you about how much, how often or where you ride… And if you look as awesomely handsome and sculpted as I do, they’ll ask you if you race too.

This was my Sunday evening and my second ride of the day with my awesome wife.

And for those in the environmentalist wacko group, we decreased our carbon footprint by riding – unless I get docked because my bike is carbon fiber… If you’re screaming at your computer screen right now (or you just flipped that inanimate object the bird), relax a bit would you? Your anger is polluting the karma of the universe.