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The Manscaping Emergency


August 2012

To set this story up requires a few simple facts.  First, I keep my hair short, real short.  Not quite high and tight, but close.  I also have a sister that works at a prestigious salon about an hour’s drive from my office.  She can cut some hair…  The trick is, the third (or is that fourth?) fact that must be known is that I’m cheap – especially when it comes to hair cuts because I have to get it cut so often.  My sister cuts my hair for free, and won’t let me pay no matter how many times I’ve shoved a $20 in her smock – so the price fits right in my wheel-house.  However, as much as I love to dog environmental hippies, I do hate the idea of driving an hour to get my hair cut just to turn around and drive another hour home.  The waste doesn’t sit well with me.  So, what I do is stop by whenever I’ve got business out that way…  That can end up being several weeks so I end up getting my hair cut locally at one of the cheap hair cut shops – it’s not like my dome is all that tough to cut.

So that’s the set-up.  Yesterday it was time for a hair cut and I don’t see needing to head out to my sister’s shop any time soon so I went to my local chop shop.  Now for what I pay, I expect a decent cut, but nothing too stellar.  I’m paying for a Ford Focus, not a Shelby Mustang and I know it.  Unfortunately I drew a punk girl to cut my hair.  There’s nothing wrong with punk girls, but let’s face it, I’m just too old for that suff.  After the cut, on inspection in the mirror (from 6′ away) everything looked fine so I split and went home for my daily ride (which was absolutely awesome by the way)…  On waking and shaving this morning – only 1’6″ from the mirror – I noticed that my little punk girl hair cutter left my sideburns longer than the rest of the hair on my head!  Now that may be cool on an 18 year old punk kid, but not on my melon.

All was not lost though;  because I’m so big on the whole manscaping business what would have required another trip back to the chop shop to get the sideburns fixed only took 10 seconds, standing right there in front of the mirror…  Anyone who’s had short hair knows that it’s very difficult to cut evenly with scissors so tight to the melon but I have adjustable trimmers.  Grab the box out of the hallway closet, plug in, adjust trimmers to “1”, buzz sideburns, put trimmers back.  Crisis resolved, minimal impact.

Having the right tools for the job saved a lot of time and headache – and me from looking goofy until I dealt with it.  Rule number 1 in manscaping is:  Have the right tools.



  1. elisariva says:

    You crack me up. Good thing you don’t have to deal with wax…

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