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Hockey’s Back… Excuse the lack of backflips

January 2013

So, the players and owners of NHL hockey teams have finally come to an agreement and will get back to playing hockey in the next week or so.

A note to players and owners: You’re about three months late. The season starts in October. So forgive me if I’m not doing backflips about you dopes figuring your contract out. My nine and six year-old daughters take their spelling tests without month-long extensions. I get my work done without extensions. What makes you so special?

Maybe, maybe I’ll be back next fall. I hope you all pay (financially folks, it ain’t like that) for your silliness.

To put this into rant into “fan status” context, look at the header photo… Yeah, that’s my favorite hockey team on the right arm. There are two Stanley Cups that wrap around my arm also – it hurt so bad I damn near went into shock and passed out. I’ve kissed the Cup, three times. I’ve gone seasons without missing a game (watching or attending)… I own dozens of caps, four sweaters (one signed) – hell, I know the difference between a sweater and a jersey. My wife and I share playoff superstitions. When the team dyed their hair blonde for the playoffs, so did I. Beard (or goatee)? Yeah, every year. I know more about my team and what they’re doing on the ice during a game than Darren Pang or any of the other National Commentators (with the exceptions of Barry Melrose and Don Cherry [bows]). I met Mr. Hockey – at the airport, in civvies – and knew who he was, and knew enough to be quick and respectful about my effusiveness. I own a pair of the same skates Sergei Federov wore (hell, I know how to spell Sergei Federov without looking it up). I know that Vladimir Konstaninov is was arguably one of the toughest hitters ever. I know that the Russian Five is not a Communist plot – and that that was the second greatest line in the last 30 years. I even support those who sponsor the team…and those who run commercials on the local network during games. I still have a VCR copy of the team response to the cheap playoff hit on Cris Draper that absolutely busted his mug – arguably the best (and most lopsided) fight in hockey history. How’s the head Patrick? Claude (pronounced ‘Cloud’ or ‘Cload’ depending on where in Canada you live)? I also know that doubt and about are not pronounced doubt and about – it’s ‘doot’ and ‘aboot’.

And you lost me. Nice work boys. Welcome back, you’re three months late.

1 Comment

  1. College Tri says:

    Great post. I definitely have to agree with you.

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