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Winter Manscaping


January 2013

With most of the US in the middle of winter, I figured I would write a bit about the frequency and importance of winter manscaping.  With the exception of some women enjoying furry men, being the human equivalent of a wooly mammoth is quite out of style.  In the summertime, when you’re running around shirtless and in smallish gear, meticulous manscaping is a must.  There is another theory at work as well.  The common saying with crunches and belly fat goes like this:  “What good are washboard abs if you have the laundry piled on top”?  The same can be held for wooly mammoth hair – what good is having a cut, glorious body if you’ve got the fur of a german shepherd covering it up?  At the very minimum, trimmers should be applied to all manly body hair.  Length is optional and it always helps to consult with the better half to determine acceptability.  I have covered darned near everything I can think of in my series – the links to which are provided on this page.

The question is how often must we perform these tasks when we’re covered up for the winter?  There is much open to personal preference here but there are a few things that should be considered:

1.  Do you swim through the winter?  If so, sad to say, you’re not going to want to change from your regular season regimen, unless you want some extra drag for resistance training – it would be like wearing a parachute when you run.  Hey, you never know, eh?

2.  Everything above the shoulders – and I mean above the top of your shoulder, which includes the entire neck beard area, should be maintained on a weekly basis, depending only on how fast said hair grows.  Under no circumstances should you go longer than two weeks lest ear and nose hairs get out of control.  And there is one thing that is absolute:  If your neck beard is long enough to curl (or is longer than the hair on your head) shame on you.

3.  Torso (shoulders to waist, including arms):  Every two to three weeks should suffice, you want to keep from being fuzzy.

4.  Legs:  Legs are a tough one.  Generally I would use hunting season to grow my leg hair long enough that my wife wouldn’t have to complain about my being “prickly”.  This year, because I simply couldn’t get away, she requested that I continue shaving.  I’m certain to a man that half of this is a fair request, the other half has nefarious undertones.  Either way, her happiness is without judgment on my part though.  I have complied as requested.  Otherwise, trimming every two or three weeks through the winter months should do.

The important areas to maintain impeccably are:  Ears, nose, eyebrows and neck – without exception or excuse.  Men, fuzziness and long (or missed) facial hair is unacceptable, period.  Why spend all of that time sculpting your body just to let your overgrown bushiness wreck it?  If you look and feel like a hundred dollars, then you must maintain yourself as such.

1 Comment

  1. elisariva says:

    Reading your posts in public is making me look like I am constantly reading humor! This is great, true too. My favorite is the swim drag suggestion. Priceless.

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