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I Am Not Insane…


My second favorite English fella inspired this post.  Sorry brother, but English Pete had me at “man-panties” (it’s a long but hilarious story).

You look at me with incredulity as I wolf down that donut.  It’s not fair that I’m so thin and can eat that crap.  Never mind that this is the only one I’ll eat this year.  You order your tofu and tree bark salad and try to convince me that “it’s actually pretty good”- as I order my half pound bacon cheeseburger with onion rings and barbecue sauce.  You roll your eyes, as if it were somehow deemed by God that some people can eat food and some, well, can’t.  It must be in my genes.  Maybe.

Later, you laugh at me while I’m pulled over on the side of the road, puking out the morning’s breakfast because I accidentally pushed just a little too hard on my Saturday morning fun ride.  As you drive by and crane your neck in wonderment, I wink and take a quick swig of Gatorade to wash the taste of bile down.  You think, “he must be f@ckin’ nuts”.  Maybe.

You assume that I’m silly because I’ll spend more on my bike than I do on my car in a year (and I’m dumb because I’m happy with that).  You have a pick-up and a more fuel-efficient car so the monthly fuel bill doesn’t sting so much.  They both cost more than my house payment for you to keep on the road.  I spend a tenth that on my bikes and they run on fat.  You see that 100 mile sticker on my SSUV (Small SUV) and that 13.1 sticker and wonder what that means.  The 100 mile sticker was earned because I was on the side of the road puking the last time you saw me, I winked at you while I was washing the puke down with some Gatorade.  The 13.1?  Yeah I just ran that to see if I still had it in me.  I must be crazy.  Maybe.

I don’t think I’m any better than you.  Truth is, I’ll probably forget your face by morning.  That’s the excuse you use as a justification so you won’t feel lazy for wasting the weekend away on the couch.   How’s that working for you?

I have heard all of these things said about my friends and I.

I am not different.  I am definitely not stupid.   I am most certainly not insane…

I’m hungry.

We are awesome because this is the life we choose, the life we love – our 20 mile run or 100 mile bike ride is your weekend watching baseball on the recliner.  We are thin, not because we have good genes, but because these bodies are bought and paid for – with sweat, puke and even a little blood now and again.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, Big Daddy’s gotta eat.  No thank you, I’ll pass on the tofu and tree bark.  You go ahead.


4 Comments

  1. bikevcar says:

    Man-panties, hey. Looks like I have to up my game! Enjoy your ‘insane’ running & riding this weekend buddy

  2. Cherry says:

    I won’t go as far as a cheeseburger but aye aye, totally agree!! enjoy your meal ….

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