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Everyone Struggles…


June 2013

Everyone struggles, some of us just make it look easy…

My wonderful wife celebrated 20 years of sobriety yesterday. We had a big cookout in the back yard with a couple dozen of our best friends. With a lot to do in the way of preparations, I cut my Saturday ride short figuring I’d hit it hard today.

The party was a blast but I stayed up late. This morning my motivation was, put mildly, hit. I slept in for the first time in quite a while then fell back to sleep watching stage two of the Tour de France. After breakfast I fell asleep on the couch again. Before I knew it one o’clock had rolled around and I was seriously contemplating skipping my ride. I threw every excuse I could think of at staying on the couch. I’m still struggling just a little bit with getting my breathing back from my cold and I’m still trying to get a little bit of the junk out of my lungs… This is why I ride early on the weekends by the way; If I’m out the door early I don’t have time to sabotage myself.

The back-and-forth went on for about five minutes before I just got off the freaking couch and got dressed to head out. I got my bike prepped, donned the melon protector, shades and shoes, bid adieu to my lovely wife and put my ass on the saddle where it belonged. Two miles in I was still questioning my sanity. I thought long and hard about my struggles of late… Just before the third mile, heading into the wind, everything clicked. The hamster wheel stopped spinning (actually screeched to a halt would be a better description).

The sun felt good, the wind stopped bugging me so much and I just plowed ahead. Ten miles in I was smiling. Two miles later I headed west, the wind at my back. 20 mph, then 22, 24, 25, 27… After five miles of easy speed I headed north towards home. The clouds started to darken and the wind picked up. I cruised along without a care, it was still a perfect day for a ride.

I pulled in after 30 miles thinking I should keep going and add on another ten. I’d promised the wife that I’d stick to 30 though so I turned around and took the bike inside.

When I go through these tough times, it’s difficult to suit up and get my butt on the road but every single time I do, I arrive home thankful I did. Sure I could have justified taking another day off. Sure I could have chosen to lose the battle in my head. But that’s not how I roll anymore. I didn’t need a day off, I needed to work to mojo back.

Here the big picture point though: Even with all of the benefits of being fit; the stress relief, the lack of chronic pain that I used to live with, the better attitude, the ability to eat whatever I want… I still have a tough go from time to time.

The only constant in life is change. This too shall pass, but only if I continue to do the work… If I choose to give in and polish the couch with my butt, the only thing waiting for me is a fat, painful angry existence. That would most certainly be a change, but I need that like I need a hit in the head – and that’s why I suit up when I’d rather not.


  1. Okay I have to ask – did we celebrate her sobriety or yours? As you know from my own shared experiences, I celebrate anyone’s sobriety and I’m particularly grateful to God for my own.

  2. The Guat says:

    Congrats to your lady on twenty years in a new direction. And congrats to you an your revelation on her anniversary. It’s always good to have those A-HA moments.

  3. elisariva says:

    “The only constant in life is change. This too shall pass” – Amen. Hang in there.

    • bgddyjim says:

      Thanks Elisa, it’s not that big a deal – one of those ebb and flow kind of deals. I’m sure I’ll bounce back soon enough (I’d better, I’ve got my club ride tomorrow followed by an 80 miler on Thursday…)


  4. […] my last post I wrote about a recent struggle to suit up on Sunday. I like that post, it was from the heart and I didn’t hide anything related to having a tough […]

  5. Sandra says:

    Nice post. Glad hear it’s not just me, and that even the pros have difficult days sometimes.

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