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To Be Rewarded For The Commitment…

October 2013

Mrs. Bgddy and I had about a perfect day yesterday.  We went for an easy 20 mile ride – and I absolutely needed an easy one, I’ve been feeling pretty tired the last couple of weeks – stopping at the bike shop to look at a new Marlin 29’er for Mrs. Bgddy (which we ended up picking up later that evening), and Wendy’s for a nice lunch.  We’ve been going on these Friday lunch-time rides since the kids have been back in school and they’ve been one of my favorite parts of the year.  No worrying about average speed, no worries about much at all now that I really think about it, we’re just out for a ride around town.

These nice rides are the chocolate icing on the best triple layer chocolate cake that has become our marriage.  We weren’t always so lucky.  Our marriage sure started out great, but after five years, we had some serious work in front of us.  By seven we went from “work” to some serious ditch digging.  At ten years we had to bring in the heavy duty equipment:
OneBigDiggerWithout getting into details that don’t belong in a blog post and don’t matter anyway, with one kid and another on the way, we faced the ultimate decision:  Stay together or divorce.  We almost chose the latter.

For my part, I had to look at a few things very seriously.  First, a friend of mine let me in on the secret to marriage years earlier that really helped me out.  Now this is going to sound crass, but hear me out before you get all indignant:  “You show me the hottest chick in the world and I’ll show you the guy who’s tired of screwing her”.  Beyond the humor in the line I took its meaning seriously and I changed it around a little bit:  If I choose divorce because I’m tired of my wife’s shit, I’ll eventually meet another woman and have to go through all of this pain-in-the-ass work again – and without my kids in my daily life.  What a waste.  Second, and vastly more important, another friend of mine reminded me of the commitment inherent in marriage:  I made a commitment to God to be married to my wife, through thick and thin, no matter what, for the rest of my life.  My wife is the benefactor of that commitment.  When I look at marriage this way, it takes the petty politics of the relationship out of the equation.

That distinction made all of the difference in the world to me – it completely changed my outlook.  Those two items together made my decision an easy one.  I was staying married, no matter what.  My wife came to the same conclusion, coming at it from a different angle, and the rest was a shit-ton of work and a bit of history.

And there we were yesterday, out for a ride together, having the time of our marriage just cruising around and having about as much fun as two best friends can have…  And all for a simple decision and a commitment.  I am blessed beyond belief, not because of something as dumb as luck or fleeting as puppy love or even blind faith.  I am blessed because I choose to look at life in a really cool way – and I couldn’t have gotten to this point without trial, and a whole lot of error.

Life is good, but only because that’s how I choose to see it.

UPDATE: I just thought of something that goes along with the last two posts I wrote about serious topics… This stuff didn’t come naturally, nor did my attitude and outlook on life. I fought some of that stuff tooth and nail. When they said ‘let it go”, I did – but it had claw marks all over it when it went.

These choices take practice and almost as much error as trial. I was like any other dopey kid, but I quit drinking really young and a bunch of really old ex-drunks taught me what they’d learned about life. I paid attention.


  1. Paige says:

    Best post you’ve written. I even read part of it to my daughter.

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