Ladies, this is a man lesson.  Feel free to read on, but your attendance, while appreciated and valued, is not required.  This is man-cave stuff.  This post contains harsh language.  You have been warned.

Two weeks ago, at the awards dinner for my daughters’es swim team, I was asked to play golf at a charity event.

Now, I want my girls to be popular with their friends in class so I accepted without hesitation.  I’m a pretty good golfer and I have a very heavy drive.  Even if I am out of practice, I can still smoke it about 270-280 (used to be 310-320 a few years ago when I played regularly).  Put simply, I’m a fun guy to have in a team scramble.

The thinking was, it’s May now and we’re out of all of the rain, so I should be good.  I’ll just ride in the afternoon.  Oh, silly me.

Looks like we might barely get the golf in.

So, the dilemma is this: 

I love to ride and all of my buds are hammering out a 70 before the rain – and I want to be in the pace line.  

On the other hand, I said I would be at the golf outing.

Many kids, nowadays, being self-centered, arrogant fucks, would simply not show up for the golf outing.  No phone call, no show.  Simply try to come up with a bullshit reason come Monday…

I am not that guy.  Not since I quit drinking, and was taught a very valuable lesson:  

Do what you say you will.  Show up when you say you will, early.  Shut the fuck up, your excuses are bullshit only you believe.  Unless you have left a large pool of blood somewhere outside of your body, show up.

If you want to get out of it, try to do so with enough time to spare that you can be replaced.  This is my text to my daughter’s friend’s dad:

“Hey ****, it’s Jim…  Yeah, I can golf.  I won’t lie, I’d rather hang with my buds and get a 70 mile ride in that morning, but I said I’d go so if you need me, I’m there.”

This is his response:

“I’m pretty sure I do but let me check with Mark and see what’s going on because it’s supposed to storm all day and their talking about doing a euchre tournament if it storms.Ill get back with you tomorrow.”
Next day, it was pretty much, we’re golfing, but I understand if you don’t want to come…

I responded the I would be there.  No bullshit, no lies, no manipulation.  

I am only as good as my word.  As a man, my word is everything.  If I say I’ll be there, you can bet your ass, I will.

For those who think this is archaic thinking, that I should have skipped the charity golf outing to ride with my friends and especially for those who would choose to just “not show up”:  You are lower than a snake’s ass.

Allow me to remind you, the back tip of a snake’s tail slides through it’s shit after it exits said snake’s ass.  You’re a fucking loser.  Or a prissy baby.  Take your pick.

Being a man is hard.  It involves doing shit you’d rather not.  Even if it sounded like a good idea at the when you said you would but it turned out that you want to do something a little more enjoyable with that time.  It involves honesty and integrity.  Show up, bitches – and quit whining that it’s not fair when it clearly is…  Because there are advantages to being someone who does.  

This applies doubly for the simple shit, like a charity golf outing with a bunch of folks you don’t even know.  If you pussy out on the easy stuff, you will as well when it really counts.

Too bad if I described you and it pissed you off.  Sissy.  Pull up your big boy diaper.  Maybe think about a career as a politician.  You should fit right in.

Lesson concluded.

Next up; Why real men shave their legs – a cyclists advice on whether to wax or shave…  Chuckle.