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The Difference Between Doing What I Want…  And What is Right:   Don’t Be a Boy, Be a Man.


Ladies, this is a man lesson.  Feel free to read on, but your attendance, while appreciated and valued, is not required.  This is man-cave stuff.  This post contains harsh language.  You have been warned.

Two weeks ago, at the awards dinner for my daughters’es swim team, I was asked to play golf at a charity event.

Now, I want my girls to be popular with their friends in class so I accepted without hesitation.  I’m a pretty good golfer and I have a very heavy drive.  Even if I am out of practice, I can still smoke it about 270-280 (used to be 310-320 a few years ago when I played regularly).  Put simply, I’m a fun guy to have in a team scramble.

The thinking was, it’s May now and we’re out of all of the rain, so I should be good.  I’ll just ride in the afternoon.  Oh, silly me.

Looks like we might barely get the golf in.

So, the dilemma is this: 

I love to ride and all of my buds are hammering out a 70 before the rain – and I want to be in the pace line.  

On the other hand, I said I would be at the golf outing.

Many kids, nowadays, being self-centered, arrogant fucks, would simply not show up for the golf outing.  No phone call, no show.  Simply try to come up with a bullshit reason come Monday…

I am not that guy.  Not since I quit drinking, and was taught a very valuable lesson:  

Do what you say you will.  Show up when you say you will, early.  Shut the fuck up, your excuses are bullshit only you believe.  Unless you have left a large pool of blood somewhere outside of your body, show up.

If you want to get out of it, try to do so with enough time to spare that you can be replaced.  This is my text to my daughter’s friend’s dad:

“Hey ****, it’s Jim…  Yeah, I can golf.  I won’t lie, I’d rather hang with my buds and get a 70 mile ride in that morning, but I said I’d go so if you need me, I’m there.”

This is his response:

“I’m pretty sure I do but let me check with Mark and see what’s going on because it’s supposed to storm all day and their talking about doing a euchre tournament if it storms.Ill get back with you tomorrow.”
Next day, it was pretty much, we’re golfing, but I understand if you don’t want to come…

I responded the I would be there.  No bullshit, no lies, no manipulation.  

I am only as good as my word.  As a man, my word is everything.  If I say I’ll be there, you can bet your ass, I will.

For those who think this is archaic thinking, that I should have skipped the charity golf outing to ride with my friends and especially for those who would choose to just “not show up”:  You are lower than a snake’s ass.

Allow me to remind you, the back tip of a snake’s tail slides through it’s shit after it exits said snake’s ass.  You’re a fucking loser.  Or a prissy baby.  Take your pick.

Being a man is hard.  It involves doing shit you’d rather not.  Even if it sounded like a good idea at the when you said you would but it turned out that you want to do something a little more enjoyable with that time.  It involves honesty and integrity.  Show up, bitches – and quit whining that it’s not fair when it clearly is…  Because there are advantages to being someone who does.  

This applies doubly for the simple shit, like a charity golf outing with a bunch of folks you don’t even know.  If you pussy out on the easy stuff, you will as well when it really counts.

Too bad if I described you and it pissed you off.  Sissy.  Pull up your big boy diaper.  Maybe think about a career as a politician.  You should fit right in.

Lesson concluded.

Next up; Why real men shave their legs – a cyclists advice on whether to wax or shave…  Chuckle.

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21 Comments

  1. Dan In Iowa says:

    But you didn’t answer how you golfed! Suck it up dude and come clean with it. 😉

    • bgddyjim says:

      Don’t know yet, I’m heading to the course in ten minutes. That said, I’ll hit some great shots, I’ll shank a couple and I’ll hit a lot of decent shots (and several not-so-decent one’s). I don’t practice enough to be good anymore. I have more fun cycling. 😎

    • bgddyjim says:

      For only my third day out, I did pretty well. Birdied the first on my own and got better as the day wore on. In fact, my drives on the 17th and 18th was my longest of the day (280). My lack of practice showed, as should be expected, but I’m very pleased with how I did. Amazingly, it was a pretty nice day too. Forecast called for a 90% chance of rain but we finished without getting hit by a drop. 😎

  2. Integrity is more important than indulging yourself. Besides, golf is not a sacrifice, is it? Geez!

  3. Integrity is everything. I still believe that a man’s word is his bond. How can that be archaic?
    If you don’t want to do something say so upfront.

    • bgddyjim says:

      You’re absolutely right, it isn’t archaic, just lost in all of the me-me-me that’s so prevalent today. Some of the crap I have to deal with nowadays is stunning.

  4. No disagreeing here. Well said!

  5. I enjoyed golf. Since breaking both wrists, I cannot swing the club like I used to. Plus if I dig in on a shot, it really hurts. Oh well, more time to enjoy other things.

  6. wanderwolf says:

    Hmm. I get what you’re saying and think it’s good to be said… but I’m wondering why this was only for men? Except for the language and the male-specificity like “a man is only as good as his word,” this applies to everyone, both of the male and female gender.

    • bgddyjim says:

      Because I feel comfortable being bunt and honest with men. Women tend to get touchy when that kind of language comes from a man, so I sidestep being accused of sexism when I’m not, by excluding women. You’re the first to catch on. 😜

      Of course, that, under today’s overuse of the term, could be said to be sexist as well, but to do so would only display the duplicity and inescapability of the charge itself.

      Make sense?

      • wanderwolf says:

        Yup. I do. Sexism is a tricky thing, and I hope you don’t think I was accusing you of it… I was acknowledging your sensitivity to language and the difference in reception based on gender, which is a fascinating topic in itself. Thanks for your post!

      • bgddyjim says:

        I didn’t think you were trying to accuse me of sexism. Actually it seemed a valid, good question, so I answered it honestly. It’s all good. And thank you.

  7. exmaschine says:

    Fucking aye right Jim. or as I like to say…be a Viking, don’t be a PUSSY. LOL! As a male society, we have lost our Viking spirit (I’m not condoning the raping and senseless killing of people) I’m referring to the exploitation, the farming, the fighting to defend one’s honor or tribe (family) Modern society, especially

    Progressives and feminists have sissified males for the past 50 years or so. And it’s getting worse everyday. Thanks Fem Nazi’s and scumbag politicians…we now have a plethora of self-centered, cry baby, metro type boys and men who couldn’t fight their way out of a wet paper bag or even know what the right thing to do is a Man. Government doesn’t want societal men to be independent and self sufficient. Because that makes it harder to control them, via the Gestapo, paper-laws and total control.

    A pussy is much much easier to control, a frightened, meek, weak male is the governments best friend. And on the social aspect as you point out, progressives don’t like leaders who take charge (unless they think they elected you) It’s a ‘community’ mindset, telling YOU how to raise your kids, what to eat, etc. The destruction of morals basically. The Male is being deconstructed and it’s by DESIGN my friend…

  8. exmaschine says:

    Oh and btw- “sexism” (in its extreme meaning) is a basically made up idea/notion. All ‘ism’s’ are about labeling and blaming rather than finding solutions.

    Thank you fascist/communist progressives once again for helping to destroy society…Special interest, no matter who they represent are a SCOURGE on society. Modern men no longer resist, but instead acquiesce, appease. hence our downfall…

  9. cycle1 says:

    Jim, I TOTALLY agree that its a Dad’s/Husband’s responsibility to do his job/duty for his family first and when you give your word it should be good (if you change your mind don’t lie about it and fess up especially when others are counting on you; actually in this case DON’T change your mind because a commitment is a commitment). I understand you used strong language to get your point across and to a large degree it illustrates the point you are making. Did someone else you know end up not following through on his word in this case or did they read your post and maybe repent? (just curious as a follow up; sounds like there was someone specific who ticked you off).

    Lying has become way too rampant in our culture. For a strong America to survive we need a MORAL society. Lying is immoral. We have some laws that are consistent with morals (e.g., such as thou shalt not steal etc.), but the people/powers who are trying to destroy our society have a war on all moral behavior. But that does not mean the rest of us should not continue to strive to do what is right/moral whether its in a moral written law or not (and encourage others to straighten out and be moral/honest). Thanks for trying to do your part…

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