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My $500 Advanced Mechanical Sleep Inducing Machine – Works Better than a Sleeping Pill.


November 2015

I always love sleeping pill commercials…  Butterflies and rainbows, happy prancing unicorns…  It’s all so wonderful!  Especially getting to see a fellow unicorn get some air time… I can remember back in the good old days when we took, what was it?  Sudafed?  Yeah, but that was before they were making meth out of it, so there’s that.  In college I used to down a couple of Sudafed because my roommate needed my Magic CPAP Machine…  He snored so loud it was like trying to sleep above a freight train (I had the top bunk because ain’t no way that big fella was climbing to the top bunk).  The only hope I had was to fall asleep (or pass out) before him.

It was a fun time.  Not really but whining is unbecoming…

In any event, as one might imagine, medicated sleep may be “technically” considered sleep by some but I can think of a much better way of getting some shuteye:


Now, if you know anything about bikes, that’s an old-school racer right there.  Aluminum frame, chrome-moly fork, down tube shifters…  It’s a bit heavy, the frame is about a pound heavier than today’s modern frames and it’s exceptionally stiff – which means its fast but you can feel every grain of sand you run over.  What differentiates this bicycle from my Magic CPAP Machine and my over-the-counter Anti-Alzheimer’s Machine is that it takes some serious work to keep it rolling.  This means you’ve really gotta put some ass into it.  In other words, if I want to sleep like a baby, all I’ve gotta do is take the Cannondale out for a ride with the guys.  Of course, to make it really tough, throw in those down tube shifters… It’s a tough bike to ride, but it is definitely cool – and good for a great night’s sleep.

So, don’t bother with drugs, buy an advanced mechanical sleep inducing machine of your own. Turn out 50 or 60 miles and find out what it means to sleep like a baby.


  1. velo26 says:

    Do love cannondales. First mountain bike was a cannondale.

  2. MJ Ray says:

    That’s not old school. That’s that new fangled aluminium stuff 😉

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