Contemplate, for a moment, going into the new year the difference between being content and settling.
Contentment is simply being happy with one’s place on this rock, and not in a capacity whereby we are fertilizing the grass. Contentment is the goal even though the end zone is constantly changing.
Settling is acceptance on a lower level. Settling is hoping for contentment. Settling is lazy and afraid.
My wife and I tackled some exceptionally difficult marriage issues yesterday. No trouble between the two of us but the issues could become problems without some intensive communication. I had some bad dreams last night as a result and I normally don’t even remember my dreams. They were so intense that I chose to wake up at 3 this morning rather than risk more unsettled dreams. I know when this happens things are not okay with me.
Settling would be trying to brush that under the rug, hoping it would go away while the path to contentment is handling those issues head on. Today, while getting ready to take the kids to swim practice I asked my wife if we could set aside some time to pray together later this afternoon. She agreed and we are both looking forward to healing together so we can get back on the right path, to work through this together and grow from what could have been an otherwise ugly situation left unchecked.
This isn’t a New Year thing. This is a Thursday thing.
Fear hates the light of day. Fear needs dark to fester. Fear needs shadows.
Given the shadows in our mind, fear can grow to consume everything that is good to a point where it creates it’s own shadows. For my wife and I, prayer is a 2 Billion Lumen cleansing spotlight that allows no room for fear to hide.
In the scheme of things, what we’re dealing with is small. It could be looked at as not even worthy if not for the knowledge that it’s the small things that are swept under the rug that eventually turn into mounds big enough to trip us when we aren’t paying attention. Better to drag out the spotlight and grow closer for the effort than risk tripping later on.
Being content is impossible in the presence of land mines. Settling ensures that we would spend our waking hours tap dancing around them in the hope we don’t fall. Content is dancing freely, looking each other in the eyes and getting lost in the joy of the embrace.
Just a thought on an otherwise good day. Choose wisely and never settle, my friends.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 130,000 times in 2015. If it were an exhibit at the Louvre Museum, it would take about 6 days for that many people to see it.
This post is going to be frank. I’m not going to tiptoe around issues and I’m certainly not going to attempt to sugarcoat shit, hoping to make it more palatable for those who look at finding offense as a sport. I also won’t be offensive for the sake of shock either, which I find equally distasteful.
With recovery from alcoholism and/or drug addiction comes the ability to observe the destruction it causes at arm’s length while we try to help the afflicted recover. It’s like watching a train wreck or a tornado. You can see it coming a mile away but there isn’t a damned thing you can do about it but try to fix the wreckage once it’s gone by. In terms of working with alcoholics, this is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a curse because it’s ugly. It’s a blessing because when we take the knowledge of that ugliness and use it to better ourselves, our lives become better for avoiding the wreck in the first place (or choosing a home outside of tornado alley).
While good genes don’t hurt, the key to remaining young, both at heart and in appearance, as old-fashioned as it may seem, is simple good, clean living. As my hair grays, I get older and I continue to stay sober and fit, I strive only to do the next right thing. Whether it’s diet, exercise or doing what I must to live another day sober, it’s a one day at a time enterprise.
We learn, very early in sobriety, how to look at life one day at a time. The reason for this is simple. When we finally hit bottom (and “hit[ting] bottom” is an apt description) our lives are a mess. We’ve pissed off anyone who matters to us and a veritable trail-load of people who don’t. We immediately set upon a course of action that will clean up that wreckage. At first this is a daunting task, it often seems like an insurmountable pile of shit that we have to shovel away. To keep this simple, if we look at the whole pile all at once we often become disheartened which can easily lead to a relapse in our fragile state. If, on the other hand, we look at just doing the next right thing at any given moment, we find that the pile diminishes before we even know what’s happened. If we continue on this path, eventually life becomes so good we simply can’t understand how it happened. This isn’t a hypothesis, it isn’t chance, it’s a promise. It’s not easy of course, but if we work for it, miracles happen.
So, while the rest of the internet is toiling away looking for the next “raw, organic superfood” to get behind, I’m eating what I’ve always enjoyed, getting my daily exercise and living a good, wonderful, enjoyable life. Of course, it isn’t easy by any stretch, but “ease” is not a prerequisite of “good” when it comes to an enjoyable life.
- Avoid the fracas. Do the Next Right Thing at Any Given Moment. One thing that is certain about human nature is that we, as a whole, don’t like others to be happier than we are. We see friends figuratively stabbing each other in the back, dishonesty and general nastiness. This plays upon both fear and insecurities. On the other hand, if our lives are lived doing the next right thing at any given moment, our side of the proverbial street is clean so we simply don’t have to participate in that mess because we already know we’re doing the best we can with what we’ve got.
- Eat Well and Enjoy Your Food. Moderate portions of food, good balanced meals and limited “snacks” are keys to living a fit, happy life. Try any diet you like, do whatever works to get your BMI down to a level you can be excited about. Once you’re there, eat well without overeating. If you can’t moderate your intake, desperate times, desperate measures. Don’t expect that one day you’ll be able to eat like other people, accept that you cannot. We all have hurdles in life, this one just happens to suck. On the other hand, I can’t have a beer any time the mood strikes me (mainly because the mood strikes me a lot. It is what it is, I don’t spend my life crying over a glass of red wine. I can’t drink it or I create a shambles in a matter of a few weeks.
- To thine own self be true. One of the major keys to my happiness is that I understand one simple concept: Someone else’s opinion of me is none of my business. This cuts two ways, bad and good. The one opinion of me that does matter is mine. I know where my heart is and I surely know what’s in it. As long as I can honestly say that what’s in there is good, if someone else finds me disagreeable in some way, that’s on them. The problem, of course, occurs when what’s in there isn’t good. Honestly assessing myself and what I do is a constant, ongoing practice. I succeed and fail on a daily basis so it’s incredibly important to my happiness to stay on top of things – and if I do fail to find a weakness over a period of time, once I do realize an inequity, I must get on with correcting it now rather than wait on it.
- Get Out and Move. Every day. Period, end of story. No phoning it in (see item 3). Exercise is almost as important as my sobriety. I want to be active when I’m 80 (hell, I want to make it to 80) so there’s no time like the present to make sure I can get there (see item 1).
Wow, this post ended up being a little more than I anticipated when I came up with the title. In any event, all too often I used to look for the easier, softer way to get through life. I did this because I wasn’t able to see (with those young eyes) the benefits associated with good old-fashioned clean living. Let’s face it, being good doesn’t seem like it would be easy…
Imagine my surprise when I found out the easiest, softest way to being happy was to simply live well.
Merry Christmas my friends!!!
I was thanking Jesus and God for the awesomeness has become my life. Then I asked for the strength to do good and the next right thing at any given moment… Then I asked for Peace. Not peace in my life, big Peace. Democrats and Republicans Peace.
And that’s when it hit me….
Praying for peace is a lot like like praying for patience.
For those who have no idea what that last sentence meant or missed what I was getting at, you don’t ever pray for patience. God doesn’t grant anyone patience, He grants the opportunity to practice it.
That’s not all bad if you’re a glutton for punishment, get it?
I realized that Peace is a lot like patience. This has always bugged me about praying for peace… it’s like a shortcut. It’s trying to get something for nothing.
Allow me to explain. Peace requires the participation of a minimum of two parties. I can want peace and I can pray for it till I’m blue in the face but if you don’t want it, there most certainly will not be peace.
This reality doesn’t rule out the fact that God is everything or God is nothing and a change of heart is possible but free will is a bitch.
However, and this is what I’m really getting at here, what if praying for peace was exactly like praying for patience? What of God gives us the opportunity to practice it rather than granting it straight up?
What must I do to practice peace? I must accept someone else’s point of view, even if that point of view is based on faulty information. Better still, and far more important to peace, if I want it, I have to be willing to work on the splinter in my eye rather than the splinter in yours. The best I can do is hope you work on yours. This is where it gets tricky though… I also have to be willing to let you be you, no matter how weird I may think that is. And therein lies the rub.
The point of this post is simple: Praying for Peace is great. Better is to pray for the strength to practice what will bring it about.
Ride hard my friends. I know I will, in about 2-1/2 hours. WOOHOO!
How Healthy is Exercise for Seniors? – Tufts – http://wp.me/pQbcn-4JO
A resounding confirmation of exactly what you would expect.
What is the ideal length for a bike ride?
Through four years, almost five, of avid cycling, I’ve come to appreciate several different distances varying in length depending the season (as in Spring, Summer and Fall) and days of the week. First though, before I get into this, I ride every day. No days off, unless it rains. I just went three months on two day’s rest, ending on the last day of September. If I had my way, someone would decide out of the blue to give me $50,000,000 so I could retire early and just have fun riding my bike. Unfortunately the tooth fairy only exists in Rise of the Guardians.
For the Road
I am and unapologetic roadie so I’m starting with that. Due to work, I’m limited for time throughout the week so I’ve settled in on two sixteen mile routes that take anywhere between 47 and 59 minutes depending on how slow I need to go on a particular day. For instance, the day after my club ride I’m definitely going to push the hour mark while the day after that, I’ll push for closer to 50 minutes.
On Tuesday evenings though, we’ve got our club ride which is 30 miles with another seven or eight thrown on for a warm up… The 30 miles takes us between 1h:18 and 1h:22 and has become my favorite “give it everything I’ve got” distance. An hour-twenty is a great time limit for hitting it hard – not too long and definitely not too short. We average about 22 mph over the entire ride but when you factor in traffic and stop signs, we actually have to ride between 24 and 28 mph to hit the mark.
So, for me, that covers the normal weekdays and “fit a workout in after work” time, but then I’ve got the weekends and special occasions… Ah, the glorious weekends. My favorite distance for a weekend ride is between 60 and 75 miles, or three to four hours (plus fifteen minutes for a stop or two). I still keep a warm place in my heart for the centuries, the hundred miler’s, but I actually prefer the 100k (62.5 miles) rides most. 60 miles is fantastic because it really kicks in the calorie burn but it’s short enough that you’re not smoked for the rest of the day while the 100 miler’s always hurt just a little bit by the time I’m done. My friend Matt puts it best: With 60-75 miles you really felt like you did something but it doesn’t suck up half of the day.
Playing in the Dirt
Dirt road rides, while often messy, are a great way to cut down on messing with traffic. They’re peaceful, enjoyable and because you’d have to have your head examined to ride my road bike on a dirt road, you’re going to be opting for a mountain bike. These rides are generally quite a bit shorter even if the duration is the same – simply put, mountain bikes are slower. I like between 25 and 35 miles on the mountain bike.
REALLY Playing in the Dirt
If dirt road rides are slow, trails are really slow. They’re also a lot of fun. I figure I’m doing pretty good if I can keep a 13 mph average pace on a single track trail I’m doing pretty good… Of course, the pros are averaging 20 mph but attempting speed like that would likely result in an unfortunate and painful crash.
In the end, like many other cyclists, I find its more about the time on the bike than the distance covered. Typically, for a longer ride I’m going for three or four hours. On the weekdays, when we’re all pressed for time, my cycling is more about getting out for long enough to put a smile on my face. For that I need a minimum of 45 minutes. Any less and I’m bummed on the home-stretch that it’s over. On the other hand, I can’t tell you how many hours I spent on the bike this year. In four years I’ve never once looked at duration but I know exactly how many miles I’ve ridden this year:
7,533 – and counting…
As a rule, I don’t like the idea of laying down rules for others. Of course, if we have goals concerning weight loss, say we want to lose 30 pounds in a season and we’re going to attain that by heading out for a 30 minute ride on our leisure bike every night it’s quite clear that the effort isn’t in line with the goal without major dietary changes. If your effort and goals don’t work together, you end up with disappointment and anxiety – I never miss an opportunity to help with perspective.
The simplest way I know to put it is like this: I started out at 15 minutes, going as fast as I could. Then I added more time and distance and I kept adding until I couldn’t keep wait on and I got to a point where I needed to ride more than I needed a bunch of junk food. For me, that was 150 miles a week (50 minutes a day during the week and 3 each on Saturday and Sunday with a day or two off).
The best distance for a bike ride is whatever you have time for. Just know, nobody ever lost 40 pounds in a season by phoning it in. Big miles burns big weight.
Ride hard my friends.
Running can be a social activity, if you’re willing to run at someone else’s pace but in my experience, running too slow hurts more than running too fast. Swimming, forget about it. Cycling on the other hand, is the quintessential social fitness activity. You could argue a spin class or the tread mill, but I never got any joy resembling a mouse on a wheel in a cage… not when you consider the scenery available on even a lackluster ride, in comparison.
For a couple of years, before I knew any better, I was a solo cyclist. I would head out the door when I had the time and keep my own pace and I was happy.
In my second season of cycling I was invited to ride with the fast folks on Tuesday night and that became a regular ride for me. While I did meet a few guys out there, the ride was so fast it was tough to be social… it was mostly just trying to hold on to the group.
Then a pattern emerged between several of us last year. Four to six of us would end up dropping within a mile or two of each other so rather than ride the rest of the route alone, we decided to meet up at the 20 mile mark so we could ride the last ten back as our own pack. We came together, a few of us, and grew as friends… Matt, Mike, Phill, Brad, Chuck and me. We all ride about the same pace.
All of a sudden we started riding together at organized rides. Centuries, metric centuries, and every weekend that we’re not riding organized rides we’re out for long training rides together. Then came road trips and weekend long camping for supported rides.
This past season my wife joined our little rabble for one of the weekend rides, some Tuesday evening rides, and with me most weekdays:
At first, I had to ride a little slower than normal but as my wife got stronger and more confident, our pace picked up to a point where my wife can hurt me if I’m not careful.
Cycling hasn’t been the same since. It’s been better, more enjoyable, to share the ride with friends (especially my wife). I have come to find that I enjoy cycling much more with friends. The good times, laughs and meals eaten together make the work worth it. And enjoyable.
I used to be under the mistaken impression that I was destined to be a solo cyclist, that getting faster was too important to ride with anyone else and if I rode with someone slower, that would mess with getting faster. It made sense at the time but once I found out how much fun riding with friends was, I gave up on worrying about everything else (my fear wasn’t necessarily true either – as long as I have a couple of really hard days a week, I get faster). I worried at first, of course, that I wouldn’t be fast enough for the group or that I wouldn’t find a decent gaggle to ride with or that I would end up in situations where I was tempted to drink with my new friends. In the end, once I let go of my fears, I ended up with a group of guys who don’t drink (I don’t even have sobriety seniority in our group at 23 years) and who gel well together. Many of my friends are much older than I am but that doesn’t matter at all in the scheme of things.
All I had to do was stick around long enough to find out who I liked… and who could tolerate me. With that out of the way, I’ll ride in almost any kind of crappy weather just to hang out with my friends.
It also doesn’t hurt that my wife and I have side-by-side trainers for when the roads ice up though. 😉