Yesterday was one of those miserable days where you simply can’t figure out what you did to piss off the powers that be but you know you certainly pissed them off. It was one of those “career flashes before my eyes” days, it was that bad. Well, technically it started at the end of the business day on Monday (makes sense when I look at it that way). In any event, I spent a lot of time over the last two days making sure we would salvage the day.
I got on my bike around lunchtime yesterday, shortly after noon, to do my 45 minutes on the trainer. The more I pedaled, the harder it was to keep my mind on my workout and off of work. What was meant to be a hard ride ended up being quite easy. Every time I’d get a decent groove on, the phone would ring and the mess would get worse.
I wrapped it up after just 30 minutes. If I made it 9 miles, it would be a shock. I barely broke a sweat. 18 mph on a trainer is a joke, I’m usually between 24 and 26 mph on a decent effort.
I knew three things: 1) That workout was lame, 2) That was the best I could do given the circumstances, and 3) That this was just one of those times where life was going to intrude on what I wanted to do – it happens.
The steps I’d taken the night before paid off and everything worked out better than I’d hoped was possible. By the end of the afternoon I hoped I was out of the woods but wasn’t sure of it yet. Last night was a lousy night of sleep. Maybe three or four hours.
Today, everything is fixed and back on schedule. Right as rain. The work I did over that past two days paid off. Only once during that time did I get the inkling that I was not doing everything I could to ensure the best possible outcome for my corporation: When I was on my bike, even though it was lunchtime.
By lunchtime the next day, not only was everything right, my guys found a new gear and actually beat an insane deadline by a day… I did my job so that my guys could do theirs and if I hadn’t done mine there’s no way my guys could have done theirs – this post would have been very different.
We all have that voice in the back of our head that lets us know when we’re messing up, that we should be doing more, that we have to do what is uncomfortable for things to work out in our favor… Ignoring that voice or finding a creative way to ignore it by doing something unrelated is what leads to the “I’m not good enough” voice (or thought). Whether it’s work or a workout, the only way the notion that I’m not good enough can survive is if there’s some truth to it. Either that or we’re dealing with False Evidence Appearing Real.
The fix is truth.
Not self-knowledge or awareness, that’s not good enough, at best it only helps. I’m talking about the truth, unvarnished, unpoliticized* and devoid of falsity. Truth.
The truth was that I had to let go of what I wanted to do in order to get done what needed be done. My next workout was phenomenal, as one might imagine.
This also applies to my workouts. If I phone it in, if I whine about every little tweak and minor pain I have, if I take it easy when I should be going hard, if I wait until all of the stars align and nothing hurts, not only will I not progress, eventually I’ll start falling back. This is when that thought, that I’m not good enough is right. That has no place in my life.
It’s only when I can get a lid on that fear so I can do what needs be done that I can beat the thought that I’m not good enough… It’s only when I know that I am that I find peace.
Just a thought for the day.
*Politicized Truth is a simple enough concept. Politicians practice it every day. They tell you the good part of what they want to do and leave out the bad part. Sure, let’s all demand government run healthcare! WOOHOO! That’s the part they tell you. You can keep your doctor! You can keep your current plan! These are political truths. The other half is; No you can’t keep your plan – your monthly premiums are going up by 80% and your deductibles will cost you twice as much at the same time. You can’t keep your doctor because you can’t keep your plan and a lot of doctors who could afford it, retired to escape all of the ridiculous regulations. There really is no free lunch either, so if we do this whole hog, it’s wait lines as far as the eye can see and it’s going to cost half of everyone who works’ paycheck to fund it ($4.1 Trillion dollars a year as proposed by Bernie Sanders – and if you think taxing the wealthy is going to cover that you’re an idiot… EVERYONE will feel it). Real truth is an honest assessment of the whole thing as it is, not as we want it to be.