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Home » Cycling » How to Fix a Flat Butt… With a Smile on Your Face.

How to Fix a Flat Butt… With a Smile on Your Face.


This post is for moms who have skinny kids with flat butts.  I was one of those kids and my mom used to freak out because I was skinny.  And I did have a flat butt.  Women, I’d assume (because I’m not one but have overheard complaints about having a flat butt) have concerns about this as well.

This can be fixed, easily.  It just takes a some time.

Step 1.  Buy one of these at a local shop:

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*For once, buying the cheaper one (the mountain bike or flat bar hybrid) will work better at fixing something, a flat butt in this case.  Also, you will have to live with something like the bikes in the photos as mine are most definitely not for sale.

Step 2.  Buy a helmet and some bike specific clothing.  It helps if the stuff matches the bike, and skip the cheap, ugly stuff.  If you’re looking for a “good deal” on clothing and helmets, try Nashbar or one of the online markets.  End of season sales at local bike shops are pretty good too.

Step 3.  Ride the bicycle.

Step 4.  Rinse and Repeat.

Step 5.  Join a cool cycling club.

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Step 6.  Smile.  Flat butt is a thing of the past.

** Side effects include:  A thankful end to chicken legs, good health, happiness, and an overall fantastic feeling.  Be careful, feeling good is highly subjective and dangerous to other’s narrative on life.  So be happy, but don’t seem too happy, lest you make others feel bad because you feel good.  We wouldn’t want that now, would we?

*** Follow local cycling laws and ordinances for cycling.  Ignorant cycling is dangerous to one’s health.

UPDATE:  Elisariva added below, in the comments section, that genetics can play a role in this.  She runs a lot more than I do nowadays and she rides a lot too and she’s not been as fortunate as me.  I am befuddled.

UPDATE II:  On the other hand, Eckels says I’m right on the money (see the comments section).

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8 Comments

  1. Sue Slaght says:

    Positive energy wafts out of your posts Jim. Thanks for the morning smile. 🙂

  2. elisariva says:

    You crack me up! I am living proof genetics have something to do with it. No matter how much I ride or run, I gots me a flat one!

  3. ekels22 says:

    It works I followed all the steps listed in this blog it works.

  4. You’re a regular Kim Kardashian now…..

  5. personally, whether genetics or generally healthy bike time or a pairing of the two, i find my “wonder twins” noticeable of late. just sayin’, i’m camp bicycle-bootie.

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