Bull$#!+

My father used to have a funny fixation when it came to excrement, especially (and a bit oddly) when it came to $#!++!ng in one’s own hand.  For instance he’d say, “Put your intentions in one hand and $#!+ in the other.  Tell me which one fills first.”

One doesn’t need a degree in rocket sciencery to figure out where that one is going.  Either way, you end up with a handful of $#!+.

My dad used that little thought experiment on me quite a bit, though thankfully he wasn’t a heathen…  I never actually had to demonstrate, for posterity’s (ahem) sake, which one indeed filled up first.

Recovery was another lesson in that thought experiment.  Fortunately by that time I knew what was up.  I didn’t need my dad’s help to set it up:  Put your intention to stay sober in one hand…

When I went all chubby on myself, guess what?  Well, that one took a minute to figure out.  “I’ll never run.  I hate running, but I can’t rollerblade except down at the park…  I’ll have to find a route with decent enough roads…”

Put your intention to get fit in one hand and $#!+ in the other…  Dammit

“I should ride my bike around the block, or go for a walk, or go for a run…  Tomorrow.”

Rinse (vigorously) and repeat.

I had to keep it simple.  Either do it or don’t.  Or I can $#!+ in my hand.

I’ll pass on $#!++!ng in one hand.