While hunting up north (“up north” is a term used in Michigan when we break from the lower quarter of the State to get away to the expansive, quiet north) over the weekend I had some time to think, especially on Saturday…
I was sitting in my blind waiting for a deer to mosey by and my mind started wandering to an honest assessment of where my life is at. This often happens near every one of my sober anniversaries and this next one hits at the end of the week, number twenty-four. During that assessment period I started thinking about some things I could be just a little better at… Having laughs with my wife, about how I treat her, being a little more frugal, and then there’s some room for improvement in the effort I put into my work… It’s not that I’m falling short on any of these issues, I honestly think I’m putting in a good effort. The rub is that I know I can do better.
Then there was yesterday… Sunday was the first day in almost 20 years where I didn’t worry about having my phone on me at all times. In fact, twice I left it back at the camp without thinking about it while my friend and I were out traipsing about the woods. My job is mostly to blame for this but the blog has something to do with it as well. To tell the truth, it was really nice to not care for once – and that’s where Saturday and Sunday came together for me.
On arriving home yesterday afternoon I talked to my wife about everything that I’d come up with while I was up hunting – after dealing with a few kid-related fires that needed to be put out. At first she played devil’s advocate to make sure I was serious about letting the blog go and once I explained everything in detail, she warmed to the idea that I might be more attentive, or perhaps less consumed would be a good way to put it…
So, I’ve made a commitment to let the blog go for the next year’s worth of 24-hours and see where things shake out. I’ll be deleting the app from my phone once the fervor from this post dies down. While this may be so long, it won’t be “I’m outta here for good”. I’m going to dabble with the blog from time to time and I’ll start looking into that book so many have been pushing me to put together (though I have ego issues with that idea – truth be told, I’m not all that important… even to myself. That creates a bit of a conundrum when looking at writing a book – or even putting one together from the posts I’ve written – about oneself).
Finally, to Shay-lon and the deutscherwanderwolf, thank you for the blog awards, they’re greatly appreciated. Second, to my friend’s Sue, the Tempo Cyclist, the Ragtime Cyclist, Dan, Titanium Henry, Elisa, Andy, Gail, Sara, definitely the Unironedman, Andy, MJ, Wayne, Stefan, Paige, Sandra… and somebody shoot me for being stupid enough to start naming names because I’ve failed to include a couple of dozen of the bloggers I should have – actually, no. Don’t shoot me. Scold me or something, but don’t shoot me. Anyway, to all of my friends, I hope to see you around. If not, good luck and Godspeed my friends.
God only knows what’s in store for me. And I’m okay with that.
The Fit Recovery Cycling Dictionary defines the word Recovery thusly:
A return to a state of happiness in terms of mind, health and strength.
If you went by the fact that I consistently write of my recovery from alcoholism as the basis for this blog, you would only be getting the part of the picture of what recovery is. Drinking was but a symptom of a much greater breakdown of my life that was in desperate need of repair. Obviously alcoholism was the beginning of my recovery, alcoholism created the desperation I needed to get the ball rolling. From there, once I embraced a program of recovery, taking to the task of repairing the rest of what was wrong with me became a natural progression. A funny thing happens once a miserable person like me tastes freedom and happiness: We want more. The simplest path, I found, was to lead a clean, honest, decent life in which I never crossed a goal line. There is always room for improvement. This keeps me on a path of constant improvement, seeking only happiness, balance, and to be of use to my fellows. While it’s not always easy (especially trying to keep the focus where it belongs – on me and my issues to fix), it is incredibly rewarding. The important point here is that recovery isn’t just for alcoholics and addicts. Recovery is for anyone who wants a return to happiness, health and strength. The only question that remains is how bad do we want it.