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Home » Cycling » Bike Porn Vs. Reality and a Wonderful, If Simple, Cure for Depression

Bike Porn Vs. Reality and a Wonderful, If Simple, Cure for Depression

January 2017
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Trigger (heh) warning: Read that disclaimer on the left of the margin.  Read it again.  Okay, proceed, with caution.  If you happen to be easily offended, or I suppose, if you’re prone to believing that your taking offense to words should be someone else’s problem or fault, this won’t be a post for you.  Some $#!+ you can’t unread…  You have been trigger (heh) warned, though I’m surprised you needed it.  You did read the title, no?

You show me a mint ’76 Bianchi Sprint and I’ll show you the owner who still smiles with anticipation as he’s pumping up the tires.

Even if the owner doesn’t know enough to trim their chain, stage the bike or put it in the big ring (sacrilege)

Show me a Specialized Alias and I’ll show you the woman who loves it’s speed, versatility, dependability and it’s smooth feel.

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Show me a Venge and I’ll show you the guy who still keeps it looking new as the day he brought it home and makes sure to get it in the picture, even in the later miles of a 101 mile day…

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Another case in point, with a Trek Madone 9 and a Jens:

The relationship between an owner and a trophy bike is a beautiful thing…. better, trophy bikes aren’t nearly as elusive or difficult as a trophy spouse.

Bikes don’t degrade with age as is so often the misunderstanding, they degrade with a lack of proper maintenance.  If one doesn’t keep the headset clean and lubed, the steering will be loose and the bike’s stiffness will feel slightly off.  Eventually, left to deteriorate long enough, that loose feel will change to binding when turning and clunking when hitting a bump.  Clean the headset and install new bearings and the issues will be solved.  Simple.

Human relations are obviously more challenging, even if they do follow the same basic principles.

Riding the bicycle equivalent  of a “p●rn star” will undoubtedly exceed one’s expectations… especially if you’re going from a low-end road or mountain bike to a super-bike, while an actual p●rn star tends to come with problems…. err….

Say you own a $700 mountain bike, a decent hardtail.  Going from that to a sub-20 pound carbon fiber Trek Stache and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.  Going from a Trek 1.2 to a Madone 9, or a Specialized Allez to a Venge in the road bike category would have the same result – mind blown.

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While many in the world scurry all over themselves to brag up their minimalist green weenie cred, I say don’t follow the lemmings.  In fact, I’m still waiting for this inevitable conversation:

“Oh yeah, well I decided to run my single-speed on bare rims.

“Wait, you what?!”

“Yep, I don’t need to feed the oil industry and the industry that kills rubber trees, contributing to global warming, to make tires so I took my tires off.  I won’t feed “society’s” patriarchal need for schedules anyway.  I take all of the time I want and just slow it down to four miles an hour.”

“But dude, they don’t kill the trees to harvest ru… You know what, whatever works for you I suppose.  By the way, what mountain do you think they leveled to strip-mine the iron for that steel frame?”

“But… wait, it’s steel not iron.”…

“Yeah, to make steel they melt down iron ore and add carbon.  Bam, steel.  You know, I wonder if steel has more carbon in it than carbon fiber, now that I think of it.”

[Crocodile tears…].

First, buy a bike and ride it, preferably a reasonable one so you can see if you actually enjoy the sport.  Had it to do over again, I wouldn’t change a thing; I wouldn’t go all out on a high-end bike as I leapt into the sport (better to get those crash scratches out of the way on a starter bike).  Once you find out that it’s the awesomest awesome that awesome can be and you love it, save up some money for a good bike.  Doesn’t matter if it takes five years or six months (or no months).  Take that wad of cash down to your local bike shop and plunk it down on the counter for as nice a bike as you can justify.  If you need an excuse, think of all the money you’ll save on not needing medication!  There’s blood pressure meds, diabetes meds, alzheimer’s meds…  You could go on all night!
Then ride the wheels off it, join a club, and bask in the joyous glow that is a daily bike ride.

A “cure” for depression might be going a little too far but it’s certainly a step in the right direction.  Trust me.

Just don’t go into debt for it.  A bike porn bike isn’t worth that.

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12 Comments

  1. unironedman says:

    Women have bearings? Wait… I think I need to read the article again…

  2. Dan says:

    Hey! Don’t be puttin’ down my single speed! I love riding that thing! I did kill several trees someplace to put new rubber on it. A cow or 2 was also sacrificed……They use a chemical out of their hooves in making tires, at least for car tires. 😉

    • bgddyjim says:

      Dan! I’d never put down a single-speed! I was simply using the hipster bike of choice to make a funny illustration of a point.

      Also, they don’t kill rubber trees to make tires. They tap them (technically slice the bark), over and over again, on a daily basis for years and years. As for the cow hooves, that’s the first I’ve heard of that, but they won’t kill a cow specifically for that – that’s called finding a use for everything on the cow and that’s a good thing! No waste!

      • Dan says:

        I, too, was giving you crap! The hooves are, or used to be, used as a cooling agent. Probably not needed in my Gatorskins! I knew that about the rubber too. That’s a great example of misused information on social media too. It’s not just the left that does that. We on the right are almost as guilty.

      • unironedman says:

        Left? Right? I never do politics when I’m on the bike 🙂 Only important thing about left and right is when you’re fitting new pedals. The left one only gets tighter if you screw it the wrong way… come to think of it, that works with politics too… 😉

        And then in REALLY old days, the smiths would make carbon steel by smelting/forging in animal hooves with the pig iron (carburization). So there’s another one for the pot!

      • bgddyjim says:

        That’s actually a really astute point about politics… and an AWESOME tee-shirt!

  3. Your post is very funny. Getting out on a bike or in fact any exercise releases some serious endorphins!
    I read your other post, the one (I think it was a Trek) where you did a wicked paint job on it. I agree about getting a package to begin with being the cheapest way to start and upgrading parts as you go. Getting some crashes out of the way while you’re learning to handle different situations will save so much heart ache down the line!

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