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Suffice it to say, some things you just can’t unread…


March 2017

A new person followed my blog the other day, whether to actually read mine or get me to read hers, I don’t know.  

I clicked over to read some of her work, same as I do for everybody who follows me.  If I like what they have to say, I’ll follow theirs.  If not, I simply move on.  No sense in wasting either of our time.

This blog was different than any I’ve seen in the five years I’ve been blogging.  Pornographic, from a woman’s perspective.  Just the three line teasers were too much – but I felt compelled to click on just one post to see if this woman was the real deal or if she was faking it.  

I read a touch more than one paragraph and exited.  I’ll never go back.  The post centered on her penchant for being polyamorous – multiple guys.  The post went downhill, and fast.

I didn’t stick around.  I made it a whole paragraph and a half – long enough to see where it was going, but not long enough for the post to get there, before retreating to the relative safety of my much simpler life.

This is how I choose to roll, because some crap can’t be unread.

Whether about recovery, my marriage, work, or life in general, I live by a simple principle:  Spend enough time in a barbershop, eventually I’m getting my hair cut.

The greatest requirement in this simple principle is honesty.  I know I am particularly susceptible to things that will provide instant gratification but come with catastrophic long-term consequences.

Consuming alcohol will provide an immediate escape but comes with the ultimate escape – first through giving up everything that is good in my life to stay drunk, followed by an early demise when my body shuts down from the abuse.

That blog is a twist on the same theme, only the casualties wouldn’t be quite so drastic – only my marriage and the love of my daughters.  Better, I wouldn’t even be granted the gift of death, just loneliness and despair.

The ugly part is that end result wouldn’t be set in stone, would it?  Certainly I could dabble around the edges without singing my hair, no?  Therein lies the rub.  Certainly, considering my addiction recovery success, considering the success of my marriage, I should be grown up enough to endure a guilty pleasure or two, no?

Nope.  Not this guy.

I can’t dabble around the edge of the pool without getting wet.  I can’t play in the ankle-deep water, I have to get in so the waves crash over my head so I can ride them.  To thine own self be true – and the truth is, a cheap thrill isn’t worth the risk – my happiness, and ultimately that of my wife and kids.  I love them too much – and me too.


  1. Joss says:

    Good read. Self-control is a hard one, and it’s easy to kid yourself about these things…
    That’s one of the “toughies” for me as well – but it’s more with still wanting to be friends with people who are active in addiction. I get a dang haircut every time, I swear. :p

  2. Sue Slaght says:

    Jim I’m sorry to hear of this blog discovery. You clearly have a very good sense of self and I admire that.I’m a bit surprised that WordPress is allowing the publication.

    • bgddyjim says:

      I was absolutely amazed. She didn’t have many followers yet so I’m assuming her blog was fairly new. I dunno, maybe they shut her down, maybe not – it’s only writing.

      Thank you, Sue.

  3. saoirsek says:

    Thanks for the reminder Jim🙂That sobriety isn’t just about picking up a drink. It’s about the behaviour that may lead us to picking up a drink. For me this is about emotional sobriety. Spotting when you are in a situation that reminds you of “old behaviour” I just get an uncomfortable feeling, if I feel someone is being inappropriate,or my sobriety is at risk, I make my excuses and get outta there!!

  4. windswept007 says:

    I really like the barber shop quote and well done.

  5. wanderwolf says:

    Um… I would have stopped at a paragraph myself. You have a great sense of yourself and your limits. It’s a good model to follow!

  6. Tony says:

    So you pulled out prematurely … and wrote a whole blog post to justify it. Well done.😊

  7. I always appreciate your frank honesty. You do the same thing I do. And family or not, it’s terribly unwise to even read something with the potential to destroy you.

    Love the barber shop analogy.

  8. Rat Catcher says:

    wait…so what was the link again?!? ; )

  9. Sheree says:


    I’m the same as you. If someone likes one of my posts or follows me I’ll head over to see their blog. I think I know which blog you’re referring to and needless to say I didn’t like or follow. In fact, I was shocked and didn’t hang around.

  10. Gail says:

    Just when I have decided I have read the best post you have ever written, you damn well go and do this! Brilliant.

  11. “Integrity” is the word that comes to mind while reading this. Thanks for a good read and a great reminder.

  12. rebecak says:

    Yikes!! Lol! The world is a very crazy place sometimes. Good job with holding on to your self-control, you know that will pay dividends in the future 🙂

  13. gracieonmars says:

    Awe that’s too bad. If it was my blog you were referring to, I followed yours because I liked a comment you made, am in recovery, and interested in fitness. I do worry about my blog freaking people out. It definitely isn’t for everyone. I took a risk at first writing about it, but it seemed to generate the most interest so that’s what I write about now. It’s more cathartic than anything. I do envy people who can live the simple life. It just isn’t me. It doesn’t affect my recovery or ability to live by spiritual principles, however. Everyone is different.

    • bgddyjim says:

      Yep, it was yours. Don’t take my post the wrong way, whatever floats your boat is all good, it’s just not for me. There’s a reason I didn’t link your blog. You have every right to write about what you want.

      • gracieonmars says:

        I enjoyed reading your perspective. Won’t take it personally and you probably did the right thing. They are things you don’t go back from lol. Happy to hear of your recovery and your successful family.

      • bgddyjim says:

        Thank you, and all of the joy and happiness one can have in recovery to you. Enjoy it well.

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