Last night, for New Year’s Eve, everyone went for a sparkling juice to ring in 2018. I didn’t know how my taste buds would react, so I went with a glass of Mountain Dew after the boys took the girls down in Trivial Pursuit (narrowly), just moments before the clock ticked up to midnight.
The chance I was going to take a drink last night was somewhere between nil and “it ain’t gonna f***in’ happen”. I was with my wife and good, safe friends. On the other hand, I’m thinking about next week or next month at the same time…
My head was in the right place and I was safe so there was no real reason to not go with the sparkling grape juice… except that niggle in the back of my mind. It’s hard to describe other than simply saying that it’s an intuition that something just isn’t right. I’ve managed to stay sober all of these years, from a ridiculously young age (22), because I listen to that still small voice in the back of my mind that says, “You know what, man… don’t do it, not today”.
Back when I was drinking, and yes I still remember vividly, I’d tell that voice to sit down and shut up, that everything would be okay. Disaster followed soon after. Not every time, but enough to equate ignoring the voice with a stovetop burner.
I am true to myself. I am, and forever will be, a two-fisted drunk. If I started drinking tomorrow, I would have no interest in a little buzz. I would want drunk, now. That’s just who I am.
I know that sometimes I just have to play it safe having experienced sorry more than enough in my life.
That, my friends, is freedom from addiction.