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To Thine Own Self Be True… I went with the Mountain Dew

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Last night, for New Year’s Eve, everyone went for a sparkling juice to ring in 2018.  I didn’t know how my taste buds would react, so I went with a glass of Mountain Dew after the boys took the girls down in Trivial Pursuit (narrowly), just moments before the clock ticked up to midnight.

The chance I was going to take a drink last night was somewhere between nil and “it ain’t gonna f***in’ happen”.  I was with my wife and good, safe friends.  On the other hand, I’m thinking about next week or next month at the same time…

My head was in the right place and I was safe so there was no real reason to not go with the sparkling grape juice… except that niggle in the back of my mind.  It’s hard to describe other than simply saying that it’s an intuition that something just isn’t right.  I’ve managed to stay sober all of these years, from a ridiculously young age (22), because I listen to that still small voice in the back of my mind that says, “You know what, man… don’t do it, not today”.

Back when I was drinking, and yes I still remember vividly, I’d tell that voice to sit down and shut up, that everything would be okay.  Disaster followed soon after.  Not every time, but enough to equate ignoring the voice with a stovetop burner.

I am true to myself.  I am, and forever will be, a two-fisted drunk.  If I started drinking tomorrow, I would have no interest in a little buzz.  I would want drunk, now.  That’s just who I am.

I know that sometimes I just have to play it safe having experienced sorry more than enough in my life.

That, my friends, is freedom from addiction.

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8 Comments

  1. Brent says:

    I know what you mean about funny little things like sparkling grape juice. We were out on a car trip and the girlfriend ran into the 7/11 to get some drinks. She came back with Kombucha, which is some sort of health food wonder drink in fashion at the moment. I had no idea what it was.

    I took one sip and nearly gagged. It turns out that kombucha is fermented and tastes like vinegar. I immediately thought that anything fermented might have trace alcohol in it. I read the label, and sure enough: “Contains up to 0.5% alcohol.”

    Fortunately, I didn’t drink that much. But we went into emergency mode: I stopped, dumped out the nearly full bottle, drove back to the 7/11 and bought something else so I wouldn’t feel deprived.

    Fortunately, my sponsor agrees that this is an accident and not a slip or relapse, since I had no reason to believe it contained alcohol. In an earlier day, I might have drunk it without thinking, but there’s no reason to risk 5 years of sobriety when I had a feeling that kombucha was not OK. If I hadn’t taken decisive action, that nasty drunk part of me would have keep telling me “it’s no big deal” and who knows where I would have ended up?

    • bgddyjim says:

      I’ve been there too, brother. I definitely agree with your (and your sponsor’s) reading of the situation. No harm, no foul. Glad you made it back from that too. Those moments can make or break us.

  2. elisariva says:

    I respect your choice! My beat example to compare it to is a vegan eating tofu formed to look and taste like meet. I believe if one is going to give up something – give it up and not indulge in a facsimile of it. Keep inspiring. I’m reading more in 2018!

  3. Gail says:

    Dude!!! Mountain Dew??? I’m not sure we even have that in Canada……

    • bgddyjim says:

      Every once in a while I get a hankering for some Mountain Dew… maybe a two or three times a year. I assess the situation and if it works out I don’t fight it.

      Stupid amount of sugar, ridiculous amount of caffeine…. I did opt for the “diet” chemical laden version though. Chuckle.

  4. Tony says:

    Keep up the good work, Jim. Ever vigilant; ever sure.

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