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When does Recovery Begin? A Dangerous Precedent is Being Set right under Your Nose… Or maybe it’s just Me

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Before we even get started down this road, let me make one thing very clear: I do not represent any Twelve Step Program in any way shape or form. The following post will be my own personal experience, strength and hope. The following will be how I see things. As the program goes, it has no dog in any fight. It neither opposes nor endorses any cause. Period. End of story. If you’re looking for AA or NA’s opinion on when recovery begins, don’t bother reading any further because this won’t be it. I am recovery’s Don Quixote, and evidence based recovery is my windmill. You have been trigger (heh) warned.

I’m a little hardcore and old-school about recovery. Snake oil salesmen have been around for a long time so I’m a little more than skeptical when a new drug is introduced that will revolutionize recovery and put recovery in the hands of those who really don’t want to give up their escape mechanism. I am also weary of people in the new U.S. recovery industry who aren’t actually in recovery… Some are good but are missing one important understanding, well two. First is why we use in the first place. The second is why we can’t use anything once we’ve transitioned from recreational alcohol/drug use alcoholic/addict. Once a pickle, we don’t go back to being a cucumber. If you can’t understand the why and the addict, prescribing and antidote is damn near impossible, because the disease isn’t only medical. It’s physical and mental.

Back in the good old days, before “evidence based recovery” (a new term that offers no evidence that it actually works, it’s a term used to describe anything other than a Twelve Step Program or anything devoid of a “faith based” recovery that simply makes the alternative sound legitimate) getting clean or sober was simple, or relatively so… You went to AA meetings, whether pushed to do so by the courts or on one’s own volition, you sobered up and went on to great things… or you found God at church… or you did it white knuckled on your own… Either way, you put down drugs and alcohol and lived a different life. Sobriety began when you ceased taking drugs or alcohol. Recovery began when you ceased taking drugs or alcohol and did something to return to normalcy as the definition of recovery suggests.

Then came treatment centers that would combine sedatives, drugs and an introduction to a Twelve Step program. Then Narcotics Anonymous, because Alcoholics Anonymous was admittedly lacking when it came to handling drug addicts. Either way, the entire system pushed everyone into AA or NA and for the 15% of our population who don’t believe in some kind of Higher Power or God, this was problematic. This isn’t to say neither program required belief in a Higher Power, only fools and knaves truly believe that (in fairness, there are some members who can be rather insistent and silly about one’s turn to faith). In the end, ignorance won the day and a movement away from the volunteer based program of recovery began to give way to the new pay-based recovery handed down by professionals with loads of letters after their name that only they understand.

This wasn’t all bad. We of AA and NA tended to deal with a lot of crazy, and now that crazy is getting farmed out to institutions.

Unfortunately, with institutions comes a need to show results… and that comes with problems.

Old school AA and NA didn’t care about results the same way a government agency does. We offered a way of life, either you accepted it or you didn’t. Either way, we aren’t getting paid to make a person recover so we wouldn’t be held responsible for their failure to actually quit, it was all up to choice. Lawyers would send their clients to meetings to show the court their client really cared and felt sorry for their misdeed(s). Judges would sentence small-time offenders to meetings so they could be turned on to a new way of life… And we accepted all of them (in fact, I was one of those myself). We offered them what we were so freely given and helped save millions from their addiction in the process. We also allowed those who were just there to have their court paper signed to join in. It was our understanding that, while they were only there to get their butt out of trouble, at least we were planting a seed that let them know where they could go when they were truly ready to quit using their drug of choice. We let them go on their way, hoping they’d be back another day.

Institutions don’t work that way. Institutions want results. Studies were done and estimates given referring to AA and NA’s success rates. Of everyone who walks through a door to an AA meeting, I’ve heard as few as 3 to 5% make one year of real sobriety. Now, you may think that bad, but hang on because that number is skewed and I’ll show you how. Of those 3% who make one year, 85% make it to five years. How could that be?

Almost all of those who don’t have a desire to sober up leave before the first year.

If you based the numbers on those who actually work the program and the steps, the success rate is closer to a 98% success rate. In 25 years sober, I’ve only seen one person fail who was thoroughly following the path. One. And in his case, he was a mental patient with a bi-polar diagnosis and he refused to properly take his prescribed medication. He literally blew up his heart with a cocktail of medication and drugs. His name was Jeff, and I still miss him (he passed more than 15 years ago). What is missing in the numbers is weeding out those who refuse to “thoroughly follow the path”. I thoroughly follow the path, so I make it. Others I work with choose not to, so they don’t. It’s not rocket science.

Now, let’s get to the real topic in the Title, because this post has been getting away from me a little bit with basic history… When does recovery actually begin?

Up until recently, recovery’s definition was quite simple. It followed the dictionary definition of recovery: “a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength”. Using drugs and alcohol, paging Captain Obvious, to cope with life is not normal. Therefore it’s quite simple to make the leap that one is not “recovering” until one is off meds (though this tends to change with mental patients who do need medication regularly, approximately 10% of those who are given psychotherapeutic meds – unfortunately, 90% of the 90% think they belong in the 10% but let’s not get lost again).

Enter the new “evidence based” recovery establishment. They want results, no matter how bad they are…

I recently got into an interesting discussion with a blogging counselor who insists that even though an addict is on psychotropic medication (methadone) for heroin addiction, that person should be considered to be “in recovery”. I disagree, but only with certain parts of the argument. I believe in honesty (it’s a core tenet of recovery – in fact, nothing is more important to recovery than honesty). A person who is on blocking medication, or medication that blocks the body’s ability to respond to opiates, is definitely in recovery (as long as they’re abstaining from any other drug use and working to return to a normal existence). Methadone is a different story, though. Methadone is a watered down version of heroin or morphine. Anyone on methadone, or any other “watered down” version of a drug that will get one high, can’t be in recovery by definition. Relying on drugs is not a return to normalcy.

It would be like claiming you’re in recovery because you’ve switched from Budweiser to Bud Light or switched from whiskey to beer. How about the much-maligned “marijuana maintenance program”? Can’t drink alcohol? Get high on pot instead! Bam, you’re in recovery! Preposterous as that may seem, that’s exactly what we’re talking about here.

And thus is begun the war on reality to claim results where results don’t exist. The counselor, in response to my comment wrote that judging a person’s path to recovery is bad and will make that person feel bad. We should instead celebrate that the person is no longer “a menace to society” or they may even be a “productive member of society” so they should be considered “in recovery”. And therein lies the rub.

A person getting high is not in recovery. A person who still has to get high likely won’t address the underlying cause(s) of their addiction and will therefore continue to try to game the system, manipulate people, lie, cheat, steal, and “shoot moves” as we say. That is not now, nor should it ever be, considered normal.

I get that we don’t want to be Judgey McJudgipantses, but we have to be honest. Recovery starts when the path to normalcy is chosen. If someone wants to pay a pro Tens of Thousands of Dollars to walk that path, or they want to pay a buck a meeting makes no never mind to me, as long as we’re walking the path. This is why I’m always leery of people who aren’t in recovery becoming counselors and treatment center managers. If you haven’t walked in my shoes, it’s almost impossible for you to grasp the simplest of concepts pertaining to us. They may be book-smart, but they have no idea how low I’ll go for a fix. We are a hopeless lot that the medical community shunned as impossible to help for thousands of years. The reason we’re helpless is that when one drop hits enters our system, we need more. When normal people get a buzz, they don’t like the feeling and want to stop.

For a person like me, I feel whole again. I feel alive. I feel at peace… Artificially. When I feel that good, more of whatever I’m using should make me feel even better!

You can’t fix that with a pill, and you certainly can’t stop that freight train with a watered down potato gun version of the drug that causes that feeling. Twenty-five years in recovery, one drop passes my lips and I don’t know if I’d be able to handle the consequences. One drop. Because it’s not the alcohol that’s the problem. It’s that I can’t win the debate in my head that wants more.

I am a two-fisted drunken loser on a daily reprieve from my addiction and my name is Jim. My addiction is real. My addiction is sitting back in the corner of my mind doing sit-ups and push-ups and pull-ups, just waiting for me to make a mistake… and you can’t fix that with a pill.

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16 Comments

  1. tammi1438 says:

    I really had to collect to thoughts for this one. First this is just brilliant! Second I happen to be one of those people with the letters behind their names of whom you speak. I’m not going to say which ones because ethically if I do and someone doesn’t like I what I say I dont want any complaints being filed (it happens). I agree with everything you said except about people needing to be in recovery to understand. That’s like saying a doctor can’t treat cancer without having had it first. But there are those like the one you spoke of unfortunately. I also totally get what you’re saying about the process of recovery vs sobriety. I’ve always said sobriety is just not using recovery is the lifestyle changes that take place to support and maintain sobriety. Enter in the 12 Steps of which I’m avid advocate of for anyone truth be told. Look unless the hard honest work is done it is hard to have any kind of healthy recovery. And yes, if a person continues to use they are not in recovery, how can they be when they haven’t changed their thinking or behavior? The BB says thinking is the crux of the problem. I hate to see what is happening now, because I think the wrong message is being sent. Recovery takes work, there is a reason the rooms aren’t standing room only..it’s hard work. Dealing with the issues and getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is a fabulous post and I’m glad somebody said it.

    • bgddyjim says:

      Thanks, Tammi. I suppose I get a little uppity sometimes about the degrees. The point I was inarticulately trying to make was that, unlike a cancer patient, we will sink to some ridiculous depths to avoid the treatment that will save us. As you know, we often fight to stay sick. For that reason, it helps to have been there. You know the adage, I’m sure; If all a cancer patient had to do was go to a few meetings, work some steps and embrace a power greater than themselves, the line would be out the door and three blocks long.

      • tammi1438 says:

        I totally understand. Based on that blogging discussion I can see why you do…I dont like a lot of what I see going on now..I think its causing more harm than good.

      • bgddyjim says:

        Yep. On the plus side, I know what I can do to help right it, and I’m definitely willing to do it. Thankfully we have people like you, too. I’ve said it before, we need you.

  2. joliesattic says:

    I so loved this! Well said.
    My niece had to go to one of these “outlets” and didn’t do well for all the reasons you mention. She found another that basically relied on a cold turkey like method. No drugs, and no substitutions. She preferred that. She wanted the “no drugs to cure” method. The other made no sense to her. She is a beautiful girl. I used to check up on her regularly, but I have not of late. I’m guessing she’ may have relapsed because she will be absent from a family event and that’s generally “the sign”. She was without a license for a year and used the breathalyzer for another, that helped and she was doing well. I know it has to be hard for her because everyone else in her circle does imbibe in one fashion or another and in her social strata, she and her hubby entertain movers and shakers frequently, making it even harder. I don’t live that close (about 2 hours) so it’s been hard to get up there. I really don’t know how else to help her stay on track without being there. I know that from somewhere she has to choose how she wants it to be. I know there’s more going on in her head, but as we all know, we can’t “fix” others no matter how badly we’d like to.

    • bgddyjim says:

      Too true, we can’t fix anyone who doesn’t want to be fixed. I had to completely surround myself with sober friends to make it. Entertaining movers and shakers wouldn’t be conducive to my chosen lifestyle. I wouldn’t know how to do that sober…

  3. ericritter65 says:

    We all have personal demons that we each fight every day. I am so thankful that I don’t have to fight the demons of true alcholism. I saw what it did to my father, and several uncles/aunts and grandparents. I’m sure I have those tendencies, and have to monitor myself when I do choose to have a drink every now and again.
    I have found that I actually enjoy the taste and flavors in a well crafted beer or whiskey. It is well worth enjoying a fine sipping drink than drinking to get high.
    I sorry that you can not do this, but I completely understand the reasons why and wish you continued sobriety! Keep the rubber on the road and keep blogging!

  4. kevinkidder says:

    Keep on and keeping on Jim! Life is work, and that makes it worth it. You have my support any way I can provide it.

  5. You have a lot of good points. I am that counselor you spoke of and I do not take offense to anything you have said. “Lord willing and the creek don’t rise” I’ll have 20 years clean/sober in August, 2018. I used to be against anything except 12 steps but becoming a licensed professional (educated in other ways besides the first 164 pages of the Big Book or first 103 pages of the NA Basic Text) has changed my thinking. You mainly speak of methadone which was mentioned as one of the options for medication assisted treatment in my article. That is the last choice I would steer someone to, but sometimes harm reduction is the first step.
    This is in response to one of your comments to my article http://navigatemyrecovery.com/case-medication-assisted-treatment/
    Recovery is subjective to the individual and should be individualized. And what is a “normal state?” Again, it is subjective to the individual. I agree, methadone can get you high and is still an escape for many. One can take more and more of it to get a greater effect even when used properly and as prescribed. That is the nature of the full agonist (it binds fully to the opioid receptors). On the other hand, buprenorphine (a partial opioid agonist), especially when combined with a antagonist blocker (naloxone), when used properly, does not produce nearly the same effects as other full agonist opioids (heroin, pain pills, methadone). Plus, naloxone blocks other opioids. Opioid dependent individuals are not getting high. They experience a leveling or “normalizing” state that keeps them from experiencing cravings and withdrawals. Evidence has shown, more people stay off heroin and pain pills when beginning the recovery process than those who do not use medication assisted treatment. Most people cannot afford to leave work, leave their families and/or pay for some kind of in-patient/residential treatment where they are away from the people, places and things that trigger using to begin with. Yes, in an ideal world, everyone addicted should be able to get away from everything and be monitored and held accountable long enough to get through withdrawal and cravings as well as learn new coping skills. But, that is not the case. For others, it is medication that helps them start their road to recovery and by telling the users of medication they are not in recovery just alienates them even further from attempting to live a life without using drugs/alcohol to escape reality.
    Good banter my man!!

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