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Daily Archives: January 22, 2020

Recovery Can Only Begin After I Stop Digging the Hole I’m Trying to Bury Myself In… AKA The Bottom

I thought of the title for this post a few days ago and saved it in my Drafts folder… then, the Daily Reflections from last Thursday:

Why all this insistence that every AA must hit bottom first?  The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the AA program unless they have hit bottom.  For practicing AA’s remaining Eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking.
12 Steps & 12 Traditions pg 24

I had a chuckle about the “coincidence”.  I’ve been thinking a lot about my bottom lately… erm, no, not that one; the point at which I decided it was time to put down the shovel and stop digging a hole that seemed it was becoming exceedingly difficult to get out of.  While I had some very bad things happen in my life, my bottom was actually pretty high comparatively (and for this I am unquestionably grateful – I consider the fact that I was able to quit at with a relatively high bottom, at just 22-years-old a rather large miracle).

I’ve seen high bottoms and the lowest of low bottoms.  I’ve seen people who should be certain they’ve hit their’s continue digging without even looking up.  I’ve seen otherwise intelligent people, oblivious to their impending doom that I could see coming for miles.  From the outside, it’s a bit like looking at a slow-motion train wreck in which the train runs into a semi truck carrying dynamite.  You don’t want to be up close and personal for that.  It’s better viewed at a safe distance.  That’s usually not how it works, though.  Watching someone go through it hurts.  Watching what happens to the family that absorbs the blast is worse.

The significance of one’s bottom is this; it’s not a singular point at which someone all of a sudden realizes, “Holy shit, I’m completely out of control!  I think I’ll stop being out of control!”

You’re better off trying to control the climate.

The bottom is simply the point at which we decide to stop digging our own grave… and hitting our family with the shrapnel from the train wreck.

That last point is the most important part.  We ego-maniacs with inferiority complexes tend to think it’s all about us.