Have you ever wondered why God chose you to remain in recovery? Why did God’s grace work on you but not the next guy who ended up relapsed and dead? I know several people who are still trying to put their finger on “the reason”.
I’ve come to believe these are simply the wrong questions to ask. Do I think, for a minute, that God would distribute His grace unequally? He gives Suzy a little more grace than Bob, say? That’s something people might do, but I’d put God above that pettiness. A friend recently said, if you think of God as simply the nicest, best person you’ve ever met, you need to start over again. You’ve got it wrong.
Put that way, hopefully you can see unequivocally what changed when I got sober – I don’t think it was God. It was more the case that God, standing there when I broke down and asked for his compassion and to remove my desire to drink said, “I’ve been waiting for you. I’m glad you made it. Here you go.”
And with that my desire to drink was lifted. It wasn’t too complex.
I know that was exactly how I was spared from the spiral down the toilet bowl of life. My desire to quit drinking hit exactly when my desire to continue drinking hit a wall, and I took advantage of a break given to me by the legal system… the timing was impeccable and I wanted the pain to stop. But why?
The why is equally simple. I was spared to pass on my experience, strength and hope so that I might help other alcoholics follow the same path that led me to a new freedom and happiness that would be beyond belief if I didn’t look it in the mirror every morning. Why?
I believe God gives Grace out equally, to whoever asks for it. I simply choose not to miss out on those opportunities to ask for help, and accept it, and then pass on my experience just as freely as it was given to me.
I can tell you, this is only the tip of the iceberg. There are massive, wonderful changes afoot in my life. My eyes have been opened to a whole new way of living, vastly superior to what I had a month ago. “Excited” doesn’t do what I’m feeling justice. More later…