As the Storm Is Forced This Way and That By the High and Low Fronts, It’s Blown By the Wind and Split By a Mountain…
I was the storm. Forced this way or that by the high and low fronts, at the mercy of the prevailing winds, even split in two by the mountains as I raced across the valley. I was always in some form of being pushed or pulled by whatever force it was that acted against me.
Then, after decades of recovery, a friend led the way for God to show me a level of love and commitment, of good and decency, of compassion and joy I never knew was there. All I had to do was strip down all of my protective walls I’d built up over the years to truly experience it. It has changed me so profoundly, I can’t go back to who I once was.
With my defensive barriers down, my emotions ran unchecked. The highs were amazing, but there were lows, and they were low. I’ve spent a couple of months trying to figure out how to enjoy having those emotions without the barriers, but also without the crazy swings. When you’re used to walling yourself off, it’s not easy to live unchecked. But I have, and my wife and I saved our marriage in the process. I’ve turned to praying and deep meditation to understand where I’m at – and to bring myself back to center, to God. It hasn’t been easy sticking with that as the storm clouds build up and the storm of life starts picking up steam.
That friend reminded me last night, when I called after everything went all cockeyed, that I’d forgotten a most important piece of the puzzle; when God is at the center, I’m not the storm anymore. I haven’t been for some time now.
I am the mountain.
All that’s needed now is to let the storm blow around me.