The last I left you, I’d gone through some pretty significant changes in character. Since, there’s been a lot of writing about my wife and I on our tandem, and that’s all been great, but what about the rest?
This has all been a tremendous learning experience for me and, to be quite honest, it’s been a bit of a pain in the butt. The honeymoon phase, which lasted a few months, was awesome. The love I felt in my heart was surprising and fabulous. On one hand, at times I miss the old, confident me. On the other, the old self-confident me was rather ignorant in terms of how to be great to my wife and soulmate… and I really don’t miss that.
Not to put too fine a point on it, I’m basically completely re-learning how to be a better me. While it’s work and often quite difficult and sometimes awkward, I really love it. I love who I’m becoming.
To put this into perspective, I remember back to when my AA sponsor, Mike died. He could light up a room just by walking into it. He immediately made everyone in that room feel better about being themselves. He was an amazing force for good in the world and I was fortunate to know him. I was telling my wife the other day that I used to hope and pray that I could be like him some day. The tough part was, I had no idea how to get there. Without a “Mike” to guide me through the process, I felt lost in the woods. So, with tears running down my cheeks, I said to my wife, I know I’ve still got a long way to go, but after all of these changes, for the first time in my recovery, I can see actually the path.
Now all I have to do is walk it.