If you check out the self-help gurus on YouTube, most of them will tell you nice guys finish last because women can sense a lack of confidence in that niceness and will literally run the other way.
This isn’t untrue, but I think the notion is couched in misunderstanding.
My wife will be the first to tell you this nice guy will finish first. Allow me to explain.
My wife had what the self-help gurus say women want. I’m handsome but not too pretty, I’m capable, and I thought I treated her very well. I had complete faith that I was a good enough husband that, should my wife choose to cheat on me, she’d have to live alone with the choice because I’d be gone and it would be on her.
Well, I’d say I was above average, for certain, but there was a lot of room for improvement. I was cold, a little mean, a bit of a bore, a little angry, and not attentive to my wife’s needs. She got what I was willing to give her, but there’s a big difference between that and what she wanted or needed.
Then, earlier in the spring, I had my eyes opened to who I really was. I had a massive change of heart and my behavior toward my wife, kids, and even random people, began changing. It’s been a steady diet of progress, and I am unmistakably a nice guy. So much so, I actually started seeking advice on how to toughen up a little bit out of fear I’d run my wife out the door because I was either too suffocating or I gave her the impression I’d put up with anything. This is a flaw in me, folks. They happen.
Anyway, rather than just go about changing things, including how I treat and interact with my wife, I decided I’d talk to her first. Imagine that.
I brought it up, almost exactly how it was written in the previous (second to previous) paragraph. Matter of fact and to the point, though I tried to be careful.
My wife responded that there was a time where I was a little suffocating in this journey but I’d corrected much of that and what was left, the “nice guy”, was what she’d been looking for and there was no chance she’d run the other way from the new me.
I think, maybe, where this gets a little tricky for we men is that we’re less dimensional than women and while we have to dance a certain way in courtship, it doesn’t necessarily work that way once the ring is on the finger. Maybe it’s just that my wife was used to me one way for so long, this approach to me is such a vast improvement over such a short time that it’s exciting and fantastic and wonderful for her. Anyway, if anything, I’ve gotten vastly nicer and my wife has said in no uncertain terms (which is rare for the fairer sex), “Don’t change a thing, buddy. You’re doing great.”
I’m choosing to take her at her word. More later.